Can I Get My Friend Gyasi To Watch The Bachelor? Week 1: Competition

 "I have a competition in me. I want no one else to succeed. I hate most people." -Daniel Plainview 

If you're curious as to the attitude you, as a contestant, should have when being on something like The Bachelor, the above quote from Henry Plainview, as played lived by Daniel Day Lewis in There Will Be Blood sums it up. You need to be relentless. You need to not care what the others say or do. You gotta live yer life and play to get the gold (however, Ben Higgins the titular Bachelor is whatever the generic version of gold is). That's why you should be rooting for Olivia and why you should be watching The Bachelor, Gyasi.

Can I Get My Friend Gyasi To Watch The Bachelor? Probably Not But I'm Gonna Try

I'm, without a doubt, an important person with important priorities. During my winter break this year I've done countless upon countless prestige things like reading comics (our dad getting Marvel Unlimited was the greatest gift he got for Christmas that is benefiting everyone-namely, me!), watching movies, playing a not embarrassing amount of Halo 2 while listening to podcasts and watching basketball. I've also done a not so remarkable thing that I wasn't even going to talk about, because unlike so many other things that I do, it's not that important. It's not not off-brand of me, don't worry your pretty little head, I just didn't feel like it needed noting; my business is my business, deal with it.

Things I Shoved Into My iTunes Library Last Calendar Year Bozos

If there's one universal thing people find attractive it's a person gloating about their music taste and how different or experimental it is. "I just like everything haha *sips from a plastic cup at casual party*" We do like everything that we like. We don't like things we don't like-I can't help myself from making the face I make when reading this just like I can't help myself from making the same face if you were to tell me Coldplay has released good music after A Rush Of Blood To The Head (hold for "Fix You" forever, because of The O.C. ((warning, there's a season 2 spoiler in that video, watch at yer own risk (((I couldn't be more serious about this, also anyone know if this whole three parentheses thing is allowed or nah?)))

Loss.

Let's make one thing clear, Instagram is not important. Except for when it is, specifically when you're (me) doing important work on it everyday. Every single day, you (me) pour your blood, sweat and tears into what....I dunno, what filter you're going to put on that photo that you snapped or the caption that really ties it all together (Instagram is a writer's medium and if you don't believe me then them's fighting words, pardner). It's a rigorous process that I don't think any of us take lightly.

From Now On You Can Go Ahead And Think Of Me As Better Than You

Edmund Hillary. Tis a silly name. I know very little about this Eddy Hillary, but these are things I'm choosing to paraphrase from his wikipedia page. He had a dad named Percival (probably went by the name Percy). He went to something called "Grammar School" and in high school he received "average marks," which is way less interesting than if he had received "average Marks." He also became a bee keeper, which probably got him bullied on occasion. But whatever, those are just facts and it's not like they're falsified, because who would care enough to give this Edmund Hillary guy a bad rep? All that does matter is that probably the only important thing that he did is something he and I definitely have in common. Nope not the bees. Edmund Hillary climbed a mountain, all the way to the tippy top.

Indisputable Summah Jam Of 2015 And 2001

Finding yer Summer Summah Jam is a thankless task, be it for yourself or for any number of people. Oh God, especially for other people, because then you have that unending doom pit feeling in your stomach, constantly looking over at them and trying to read their reaction(s); oh man, how're they feeling about this guitar riff right now? Eff. Did he just curse? Maybe he/she didn't hear that, but should they really be offended by cursing in a song, I mean come on. Oooh yeh, they did not appreciate that. So help me if the reaction was "yeh....that was good" or "nice."

Love Is Real, I Saw It On Lost A Couple Of Times

We're a couple of months removed from the season of love, but lets go back there for a moment, because believe it or not, that's when I meant to write this. Look at that, it's 7 degrees outside, and my oh my, that windchill is dreadful. Why God, why am I back here in the dreaded season of love again?! Love may be in the air, but it is a biting and fearful one! What will keep me warm in this season of the tundra?

The Comprehensive Sam Wieland Media Diary Idea He Stole From Director Steven Soderbergh-April 2015

So listen, everything I wrote disappeared and the page reloaded when I tried to undo what had happened. I know my sometimes biting words of insight are most looked forward to with this, but if yer curious enough about them, you'll just ask me (thus putting the anus onus on you and I'm off scot-free in the responsibility department. Huzzah for Sam, right?) Anyway here's April's thing.

The That's Like Saying Your Favorite Kind Of Cereal Is Breakfast Cereal Awards

Like Donna Meagle, "I love breakfast cereal."
Since November, my roommate and I have been without cooking gas. If you've interacted with me in some capacity than you know this and you also know that I haven't explained very well why we don't have it. We just don't, what's with the interrogation? You apart of Big Gas or something? Annnyway, because of a lack of a working oven and stove, a lot of cereal's been consumed here at the ol [assign fun name for our apartment here]-lotta walks down nostalgia lane with the selections and for once in my gah dang life I decided to mix it up (almost) every time a new box was needed, ya know, for consumption.

I Am Not Better Than You

I'd say a majority of my life has been dedicated to a certain pocket of pop-culture, making me not very special. I'm even more especially not special considering I'm not the only person who followed suit in turning their back towards the pocket known as Star Wars. Yup, it's about to get hella serious in here right now.

The Comprehensive Sam Wieland Media Diary Idea He Stole From Director Steven Soderbergh-March 2015

Yeah, I know. It's May, and I never got this out in April. Gonna sue me?! No, because you don't even care all that much. You can also tell when I'm pretty motivated to write, because there are noticeably more hyperlinks, but half of those are clicked on anyways, so really just get to reading. April's (considerably) list will come soon. Or once school's over. Or never, because school will murder me
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Crackers Not Crapkers

Yer probably thinking' "hey, what exactly is a 'Crapker?' I mean I've heard of a 'cracker' and I've certainly heard of a 'crapper,' but what's all this now?!" Worry not, this is just some light and boisterous wordplay concerning another hard-hitting issue you never knew was important. Not since the man in the hat vs. the overrated-not-that-great-Limey-good-for-nothing have I, me, put such important and intense thinking into something. It's an age old debate and one of great importance and falling on the wrong side of things could result in utter chaos: things could go topsy-turvy, raining cats and dogs, forks using people to eat food!

You know what this is about and I'm insulting your intelligence by even saying it or entertaining the wrong idea by talking about it. But lets stop beating around the bush and get real. Lets talk about why Cheez-Its are about a million (maybe more) times better than crumby (it's a loaded adjective) ol' Gold Fish.

Indy Vs. Bond: The Rivalry You Never Thought Of

(Don't know why this is at the top of the page right now

but it is so just remember how much ya love it. And also

remember that I wrote this in High School, so hold some

judgement because we weren't all perfect in high school)

In film class today we just got done watching Dr. No. It was my first time seeing it and ya know, it was good I guess. I think people feel obligated to like it, because it's the first James Bond movie; it's filled with diarrhea music(*) and that's very distracting for me. After we finished up watching it, I brought up the fact that if I had to choose to win in a fight, I'd take Indiana Jones against James Bond.

BLASPHEMY!(apparently...)

(*) That sounds gross, it's because it is. Diarrhea music is when a movies or TV shows overplay music during a scene and for no apparent reason. Dr. No is chalk-full of it, some episodes of Friday Night Lights season 1 have it bad too and the first episode of Justified has it as well.

The Comprehensive Sam Wieland Media Diary Idea He Stole From Director Steven Soderbergh-February 2015

I don't think I have to explain myself to you people, not twice at least, so here's the January entry of this for context and one of those ICYMI (which stands for "In Case You Missed It"-sometimes people don't know what stuff like that stands for, and as far as I'm concerned ICYMI is a top-five acronym).

A Parks And Rec Mix-Tape To Give To Your Loved Ones (Seasons 1&2)

 

We're closer than I'd like to accept to the end of one of my favorite television shows of all time. Next Tuesday (tonight) marks the end of one of the most genuinely pleasing, personal, hilarious, touching and altogether brightest shows to ever grace our brains, hearts, spleens, etc. Parks And Recreation. You will be missed and never forgotten, or else.