Indy Vs. Bond: The Rivalry You Never Thought Of

(Don't know why this is at the top of the page right now

but it is so just remember how much ya love it. And also

remember that I wrote this in High School, so hold some

judgement because we weren't all perfect in high school)

In film class today we just got done watching Dr. No. It was my first time seeing it and ya know, it was good I guess. I think people feel obligated to like it, because it's the first James Bond movie; it's filled with diarrhea music(*) and that's very distracting for me. After we finished up watching it, I brought up the fact that if I had to choose to win in a fight, I'd take Indiana Jones against James Bond.

BLASPHEMY!(apparently...)

(*) That sounds gross, it's because it is. Diarrhea music is when a movies or TV shows overplay music during a scene and for no apparent reason. Dr. No is chalk-full of it, some episodes of Friday Night Lights season 1 have it bad too and the first episode of Justified has it as well.

It went from who'd win in a fight to who's the most badass of the two heroes. I stand by Indiana Jones, but there were a lot of Bond votes. This judgement is based purely on the characters of Bond and Indy not on who portrayed the character; I don't care if you think Roger Moore isn't as ripped as Daniel Craig or Sean Connery is the best one even though Dalton probably has him beat, etc.

I won't disagree that Bond is a badass, but come on! The man must be catered to for success on a mission and then he brakes whatever tool he's given. That's pretty clumsy if you ask me. Indiana Jones though, he accomplishes so much more with such little given (if anything). "But all he's got is a whip and a gun!" Yup, that's all he needs, because he still gets the job done losers. Bond needs some fancy-schmanzy expensive watch that he doesn't really know how to use. So that means Bond really isn't that smart, but you know who is? Professor Indiana Jones.

Then there's a matter of villains. Jaws is not a villain, he's a henchman. "Well, there's Dr. No." Yes, there is Dr. No, who suffers from severe blandness as well as Inspector Kemp arms. Those guys aren't evil, they're just annoying and request tedious things. Indiana Jones defeats Nazis. TWICE! Nazis who're looking to do worse things than Hitler! They're looking for worse things than Hitler! Point: Jones.

You can have bad movies on both sides, but the movies don't matter. It's the character, because even in Temple Of Doom and Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull, Indy doesn't disappoint. Yeh, they nuked the fridge, but that means he survived a nuclear explosion! Oh hey, look, James Bond got tied up.... or something.

And in case you need more proof of Indy being the clear winner here, I present to you one of the most brilliant moments in film: