Can I Get My Friend Gyasi To Watch The Bachelorette? Week 2 (Cont.): A Chad Appreciation Post (Pt. II)

(Pt. I is here)

I've experienced two moments of absolute personal bliss in the month of May. The first was listening to Coloring Book AKA Chance 3 AKA everyone pack it in no need to try and top this unless your name is Pusha T. The second was witnessing Chad (last name still not looked up) give what I can only equate to an MVP like performance on The Bachelorette and probably The Bachelor combined. No one can out-strategize him or out-think him. He's playing a game we can't comprehend and I think I know why, because I have it on good authority to believe that Chad is actually Brad Pitt or Rusty Ryan (AKA Brad Pitt from Ocean's Eleven, Twelve and Thirteen).

Can I get My Friend Gyasi To Watch The Bachelorette? Week 2 : A Chad Appreciation Post (Pt. 1)

Jojo is clearly the star of The Bachelorette, she is the titular bachelorette, don't you know. But out of the darkness came a star as big, bright and shining as Dirk Diggler and his name is Chad. I don't know his last name, I could look it up, but with a name like Chad the statement is already made; the image in your head is 100% correct. Chad, as you are probably very well aware, looks like he's prone to violence, like he's willing to fight for love like a knight in King Arthur times. However The Bachelorette world looks like it doesn't take kindly to this kind of chivalry and so I wanna get this in before it's too late.

Can I Get My Friend Gyasi To Watch The Bachelorette? Week 1: Hey, Let's Do This Together, My Guy

 Fell in love with a girl/I fell in love once and almost completely/She's in love with the world/But sometimes these feelings can be so misleading. -Jack White 

(Confused? Maybe this'll help ya out)

The Bachelor and The Bachelorette couldn't be more similar and more different. It's the same concept/premise, same mansion (from what I can tell and what Jojo said when she saw Chris Harrison emerge from his mists of self-congratulation, hey speaking of), same host and the same feeling of intrigue on my part, etc. But there's a different feeling in the air and ultimately in my heart, having now accepted The Bachelorette into my heart (though I did that with Jojo herself long ago).

The Disadvantages Of Sitting

We have chairs. We have stools. We have advanced chairs (couches) and advanced stools (admittedly, just chairs, but not as high up as a stool which is an entirely separate issue). There's no shortage of these wonderful things either, it's not an over-saturated market and there appears to be no monopoly on chairs. I'm by no means an economics major, contrary to the very cool sounding terms I just used ("shortage," "over-saturated market," "monopoly" etc.) and yet I'm dumbfounded as to why in this chair-healthy world we live in we're still abusing ourselves by sitting on the ground and floor.

Life's A Numbers Game

There's a well known social norm we've all accepted and subscribe to known as the "crazy cat lady." We A) know one B) know of one C) see potential in a close friend in being one and D) jokingly refer to yourself as "the crazy cat lady hahaha" hoping that the self awareness will keep people's necessary concern at bay. It's like the closest we get to having a tall tale come alive and, frankly, it's surprising that there isn't a tall tale about cat ladies. Sure there's one about some tall lumberjack with a blue cow, but not one on something that really matters. Pathetic.

Can I Get My Friend Gyasi To Watch The Bachelor? Week Whatever: Wha Happened?

Best Representation Of Falling Off The Wagon

Nope. Not proud that I fell off the wagon. But Bachelor fever is one that strikes and it strikes fast. Also school work, that also strikes fast and killed any determination to continue to get Gyasi to watch The Bachelor. And could you blame me? When someone pushes and resists enough it's hard to see a light at the end of that hard work tunnel and we all know how hard I was working; consistently giving 110%, keeping the conversation lively, having a passion for it, etc. But was it ever enough?

Can I Get My Friend Gyasi To Watch The Bachelor? Week 3: Awareness

"Ladies and gentlemen, here he is, the man you came to see: Kanye West"

It was a hot and humid Saturday night in Chicago when Ben Affleck said this in May of 2013. It was May 18, apparently. Who knew! But he didn't say it in Chicago, that's just simply where I was located when it happened, it was a day filled with traveling back and forth from my dorm to friends' apartments relocating my things. By the end of the night, I was exhausted and didn't witness Ben Affleck be more self-aware than he has been since signing up to play Bruce Wayne in a Zack Snyder run Batman fustercluck.

Can I Get My Friend Gyasi To Watch The Bachelor? Week 2: Must See TV

-Milhouse

If you're like me, then you've watched The Bachelor this week and you're probably wondering why I chose this week to talk about something like "Must See TV" considering the lack of anything that happened, especially in the first hour of the broadcast? Am I even qualified to talk about "Must See TV" I mean, hey, sure, I took a History Of Television class the first semester of my Sophomore Year of college, which was back in 2013, but I've still got the notes around here somewhere *shuffles through important papers* and I believe I've got as much moxie as Olivia (reigning MVP, which you can't argue because would a not-MVP get a rose during a group date??) to pull this off.

Can I Get My Friend Gyasi To Watch The Bachelor? Week 1: Competition

 "I have a competition in me. I want no one else to succeed. I hate most people." -Daniel Plainview 

If you're curious as to the attitude you, as a contestant, should have when being on something like The Bachelor, the above quote from Henry Plainview, as played lived by Daniel Day Lewis in There Will Be Blood sums it up. You need to be relentless. You need to not care what the others say or do. You gotta live yer life and play to get the gold (however, Ben Higgins the titular Bachelor is whatever the generic version of gold is). That's why you should be rooting for Olivia and why you should be watching The Bachelor, Gyasi.

Can I Get My Friend Gyasi To Watch The Bachelor? Probably Not But I'm Gonna Try

I'm, without a doubt, an important person with important priorities. During my winter break this year I've done countless upon countless prestige things like reading comics (our dad getting Marvel Unlimited was the greatest gift he got for Christmas that is benefiting everyone-namely, me!), watching movies, playing a not embarrassing amount of Halo 2 while listening to podcasts and watching basketball. I've also done a not so remarkable thing that I wasn't even going to talk about, because unlike so many other things that I do, it's not that important. It's not not off-brand of me, don't worry your pretty little head, I just didn't feel like it needed noting; my business is my business, deal with it.

Things I Shoved Into My iTunes Library Last Calendar Year Bozos

If there's one universal thing people find attractive it's a person gloating about their music taste and how different or experimental it is. "I just like everything haha *sips from a plastic cup at casual party*" We do like everything that we like. We don't like things we don't like-I can't help myself from making the face I make when reading this just like I can't help myself from making the same face if you were to tell me Coldplay has released good music after A Rush Of Blood To The Head (hold for "Fix You" forever, because of The O.C. ((warning, there's a season 2 spoiler in that video, watch at yer own risk (((I couldn't be more serious about this, also anyone know if this whole three parentheses thing is allowed or nah?)))

Loss.

Let's make one thing clear, Instagram is not important. Except for when it is, specifically when you're (me) doing important work on it everyday. Every single day, you (me) pour your blood, sweat and tears into what....I dunno, what filter you're going to put on that photo that you snapped or the caption that really ties it all together (Instagram is a writer's medium and if you don't believe me then them's fighting words, pardner). It's a rigorous process that I don't think any of us take lightly.

From Now On You Can Go Ahead And Think Of Me As Better Than You

Edmund Hillary. Tis a silly name. I know very little about this Eddy Hillary, but these are things I'm choosing to paraphrase from his wikipedia page. He had a dad named Percival (probably went by the name Percy). He went to something called "Grammar School" and in high school he received "average marks," which is way less interesting than if he had received "average Marks." He also became a bee keeper, which probably got him bullied on occasion. But whatever, those are just facts and it's not like they're falsified, because who would care enough to give this Edmund Hillary guy a bad rep? All that does matter is that probably the only important thing that he did is something he and I definitely have in common. Nope not the bees. Edmund Hillary climbed a mountain, all the way to the tippy top.

Indisputable Summah Jam Of 2015 And 2001

Finding yer Summer Summah Jam is a thankless task, be it for yourself or for any number of people. Oh God, especially for other people, because then you have that unending doom pit feeling in your stomach, constantly looking over at them and trying to read their reaction(s); oh man, how're they feeling about this guitar riff right now? Eff. Did he just curse? Maybe he/she didn't hear that, but should they really be offended by cursing in a song, I mean come on. Oooh yeh, they did not appreciate that. So help me if the reaction was "yeh....that was good" or "nice."

Love Is Real, I Saw It On Lost A Couple Of Times

We're a couple of months removed from the season of love, but lets go back there for a moment, because believe it or not, that's when I meant to write this. Look at that, it's 7 degrees outside, and my oh my, that windchill is dreadful. Why God, why am I back here in the dreaded season of love again?! Love may be in the air, but it is a biting and fearful one! What will keep me warm in this season of the tundra?